Our society has a very interesting paradigm when it comes to “investing” in ourselves. We encourage our high school grads, ages 17-19 to take out massive amounts of debt to go to college right away, at an age where they aren’t even sure of who they are yet, what they want, or where they want life to take them. Yet they are supposed to declare what they will be doing for the rest of their life, and then spend 4-8+ years studying that thing?! To which they may and or may not ever even do that “thing” that they thought they might like to do?

I hear stories all the time of people going all the way through Law School and or Medical School only to find out that once they start DOING that thing that they’ve been studying for 7 to 8+ years, that it wasn’t what they thought it would be and they are left stuck with no idea of what they want to do next. For some, they just stay in it because of all of the time and money already spent and invested in that thing, so they figure “why bother” and then spend the rest of their existence doing something that they don’t even like doing. Imagine all of that TIME and MONEY that they invested, and for what? To find out that they didn’t like that “thing”.

Yet when I first decided to finally quit a job that I spent 40+ hours a week at – that was no longer feeding my soul, and was withering it away slowly but surely every single moment of every single day, since I had found the thing that I felt called to do, the thing that makes me feel more ALIVE, fulfilled, and overwhelmed with a sense of purpose – I was met with SO much societal resistance. The thought of investing my “hard earned savings” to take a “risk” – a leap of faith, and explore this thing that I had uncovered, that I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt was THE thing that I was put here to do, and that the time to do it was NOW – was so incredibly foreign according to some kind of agreed upon universal societal standard that people couldn’t even begin to wrap their head around understanding what could possibly be going through my wild and crazy imaginative head.

I had already dipped my toe in, had explored it, had made sure that it was THE thing for me, and yet so many people were absolutely appalled at my decision and or completely worried sick for me (even my own parents), and baffled that I would give up an incredibly lucrative position with an overwhelming abundance of perks and benefits, a position of certainty, and a future that was secure and comfortable for the next 30+ years. Never mind that it was killing me slowly to not be doing the thing that I felt called to do. Never mind that I had saved enough money to get me through the launch of a business and carry me through the time it would take to build my empire. Never mind that I was completely comfortable with MY decision, and that the same uncertainties about the future that everyone else seemed to perceive as “risky” I perceived as an “Epic Adventure” leaving me feeling invigorated, electric, and ALIVE.

The way I look at it, I was investing my money and enrolling in the University of Me. The University of Me, at a time in my life where I knew exactly who I was, who I wanted to be, where I wanted to go, and what I wanted to do – To play, to travel, to learn, to grow, to explore, to experience all that life has to offer, to master my craft, to build an empire, to be free, to be happy, to be ALIVE, to LIVE my life every single day to the fullest, and to use my gifts to help others come alive.

 And yet by some kind of societal standard, this was “insane”. This was “risky”. This was crazy. This was met with a ton of “you can’t be serious”, and “have you really thought about this”, and “why would you blow through your savings like this, this isn’t what savings are for…”, along with an arsenal of fear based objections that started with “but… what if…”.

And here is the thing. I am not saying not to go to school. So if you are already riding that hate train you can slow your roll. I am merely saying, who is anyone else to ever define how YOU spend YOUR money or your time and what YOU deem to be a solid investment? Who is anyone else to define for YOU what YOUR definition is of what your “savings” should be spent on? Do what YOU want. This is YOUR life last time I checked. If I had continued to live my life for everyone else, (which trust me I have spent a LOT of time doing that in this lifetime), I would have continued to stay at a job that no longer served me, which wouldn’t have been doing myself or my employer any favors. I would have continued to ignore my souls desire. I would have continued living a lie. Living a life that was empty and unfulfilling.

Most importantly it’s what I would NOT have been doing – THAT is what makes the biggest difference here. I would NOT have been living my life to the fullest every day. I would not have been doing the one thing that I was put here on this earth to do. I would not be filled with an overwhelming sense of purpose and fulfillment every single day. I would NOT be sharing my light with the world. It would be an injustice to myself and the world had I continued to live a live defined by other’s standards and expectations, instead of standing up and deciding to finally just be me. Unapologetically me

I was watching a movie recently (one of those super sappy love movies that I LOVE to watch by myself and cry like a big baby and I’m always left feeling so much more open to loving full out at the conclusion of said move) and the main characters were both cancer patients with an indefinite time to live. It got me thinking… Why is it that our society encourages us to start living when we are running out of time?

Yet it is totally acceptable to spend 40+ hours a week doing something you don’t love?  To use your minimalist paid time off to LIVE it up and experience life?  Here in the US that could be condensed to 2 short weeks, possibly even scattered throughout the year with mere days and glimpses at a time of experiencing LIFE and feeling ALIVE?

We wait until we are forced to make time matter, to live it up, to experience life and all that it has to offer. Only then, when we are forced to, in the face of loss and impending death of our loved ones or ourselves, do we become fearless, fierce, and free.  Free from the mundane worries and the BS fear tactics that keep us confined to living the same boring day over and over and over for all of our existence.

It’s like there is some kind of societal agreement of an openly and widely accepted life of living in a full-blown state of mediocrity. Being consumed by inconsequential BS.  Allowing others to prioritize what is important to us, to determine how we define things in life, what we should do, what we shouldn’t do, what we can do, what we cant do, how we should spend our time, how we should spend our money, and the endless list of ways goes on and on…

To this – I say NO. No more.  Not a second more of it.  I’m done.

And so, I tell society to take your shoulds and cants and stick them where the sun doesn’t shine.  I will be busy – Loving. Living. Experimenting. Trying.  Failing. Making mistakes. Risking it all. Letting go. Breaking through barriers.  Defying perceived limitations.  Thriving. Feeling ALIVE!

In the words of Taylor Swift – “The haters gonna hate… Shake it off!”  There will always be people who hate on what you are doing.  No matter what it is that you do.  As long as you are living a life concerned by what others think, you will never truly experience what it is to be ALIVE.

Just do YOU.

Would love to hear your thoughts and insights below! 🙂

Xoxo,

Morgan

 

Self Trust Ralph Waldo Emerson

It Starts With You.

It’s interesting how easy it is for us to come up with a list of things that we would like other people in our lives to change, or give more of, or be more of. However, often we find that we expect of others what we aren’t already giving to ourselves.

Take for example – follow through on promises made. It’s often something that ruins relationships and can even lead to you ending things and moving forward to find someone else who is more reliable. Not following through damages trust within the relationship. Yet when we take a look at ourselves, how often are we following through on the promises that we make to ourselves? If we don’t trust ourselves to keep a promise to ourselves, then how can we ever expect to trust anyone else? Would you respect someone you can’t trust? No. And if you don’t trust yourself, then you don’t respect yourself. How can you ever expect for someone else to respect you if you don’t respect yourself first?

If you follow my blog and you read the entry where I shared where I used to be back when I was stuck in my own hamster wheel of hell, where I was nowhere to be found on my own priority list, you might wonder how it is that I have come to be the who that I am today. The very first step on my journey was building a relationship with myself. Actually launching this new relationship was such a foreign concept to me that it was incredibly difficult at the very beginning.

I started with something as simple as painting my nails, and making a promise to myself that I would always keep them nice and pretty because that was one small thing that made me feel better. Every time I’d look down at my nails and see that they were chipped and in need of a little love, it was my dummy light for me to go back to focusing on me. (Like the check engine light coming on when the car needs maintenance, but these dummy lights are on your own dashboard of lights to help you stay on your own path to the optimal you!)

After a while I had the nails thing down, and was ready to add another thing to the list. I started picking out my outfits the night before work because even though there was no possible way in hell anyone around me would have had a clue at that time, I actually loved dressing up, I liked the way it made me feel!

Then once I got the hang of things I was ready to tackle a bigger project that I had been promising myself for years to do, but hadn’t made it (or me) a priority – Turning my condo into a sanctuary. Today when I come home, it’s me place of serenity, and it’s a reminder of how far I’ve come, and it’s so nice to have beauty surround me, it makes me feel at peace.

One thing turned into another thing, which turned into another, and then snowballed to large projects, and taking classes I had been wanting to take for years (Improv), and signing up to get certified as a Yoga teacher, taking a nutrition course, getting certified as a life coach, etc.

The point is – First seek within.

You are the creator of your own life. Stop waiting for someone to come around and give you what you aren’t even giving to yourself.

The first step to working on a relationship with yourself is to build more more self-trust. Think about what you’ve been promising yourself for a while but haven’t been following through on (for example – do you have a pile of laundry that you’ve been telling yourself that you’ll do but it’s still sitting there, or maybe it’s a clean pile of laundry and you’ve been meaning to put it away but haven’t gotten around to it, or you’ve been wanting to take a particular class for a while now but haven’t signed up yet, or you’ve been dreaming about going to a particular vacation destination for a long time but haven’t gone yet, etc.), or think of things that you would like to start doing for yourself and are willing to commit to in an effort to become the you that you want to be! (Like working towards a healthier lifestyle so that you can feel absolutely amazing in your own skin, or redecorating your bedroom, or dressing up more at work, etc.)

1. Write a list of these things

2. Pick one

3. Schedule it

4. DO IT.

Every new day was yesterday’s tomorrow. The I’ll do it “tomorrow”, or last weeks “next week I’ll do that” or last months “I’ll make time for that next month”, etc.

Make today the day. Do it NOW. That is how you build self-trust.

In an article written by MARGARITA TARTAKOVSKY, M.S., TITLED, 3 Ways to Develop Self-Trust, she states that “being kind to yourself increases self-confidence and lessens your need for approval. Loving and caring for yourself not only increases self-trust, it also deepens your connection with others.”

Shout out to one of my clients for a Self-Love and Pampering idea that I’ve been sharing with other clients and they are having a blast with – Write down a bunch of your own favorite self-love acts and self-pampering ideas on tiny pieces of paper – i.e. paint my nails, give myself a facial, schedule a massage, go for a long walk with my dog, get a pedicure, etc. and then put all of the ideas in a hat, and pull one out daily as a surprise gift to yourself each day. This adds an element and sense of adventure about your self-love and pampering! All the while you are building a stronger foundation of love and trust with yourself that will eventually lead to you being able to give and receive more love and trust to others!

Feel free to share ideas of what’s working for you so that we can all work together to spread the love!

Sending you all vibes of love, acceptance, intimacy, understanding, compassion, patience, bonding, and trust, all starting with your relationship with yourself first! 

Xoxoxo,

Morgan

PS – Here is the link to the article referenced – It’s a good read with more ideas of how to build a better relationship with yourself!  Happy Reading!
https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/10/17/3-ways-to-develop-self-trust/

Frank the tank 2

Awareness Came, and Frank the Tank’s Jersey Was Retired….

I get a lot of weird looks when it comes up in conversation that I do not drink. The first thought that most people mention comes to their mind is how AA is going. Haha. They often feel very sorry for me because of all of the fun that they think I am missing out on. (Which couldn’t be farther from my own truth and experience.)

One of the reasons I quit was that I started to realize that I was an entirely different person when drinking. If I was in a relationship I would dump out all of my feeling and issues with that person in a way that replicated a bomb exploding, and then I’d wake up the next day and have to figure out some way to repair the damage that was done. It would be like my alter ego “Frank the Tank” came out to play, wreaked havoc all night long, having an absolute blast with no cares in the world, gave everyone a piece of his mind, and then left me to clean it all up then next day. This happened over and over and over again until after the umpteenth millionth time I decided to retire his jersey and sit his ass on the sidelines for a permanent time out.

I didn’t even realize the extent of how much I used drinking as a coping outlet and or avoidance resource until I went on a 1 year no drinking commitment. HOLY CRAP, what a life changing eye opener.

For me, without removing the crutch, the avoidance barrier, and the ineffective coping tool, I realized that I would never find and maintain a healthy loving and long term relationship, I would never work through the issues laying underneath the surface, and I would continue to be a version of me that I no longer wanted to be. I wanted to find my most authentic self and actually deal with things instead of using drinking as a crutch, especially in social and or dating situations. It was a very eye opening experience for me, and now I am the most open and authentic version of myself that I have ever been!

A friend recently shared a John Lennon quote with me that sums up how drinking was for me… “The basic thing nobody asks is why do people take drugs of any sort?’… ‘Why do we have these accessories to normal living to live. I mean, is there something wrong with society that’s making us so pressurized, that we cannot live without guarding ourselves against it?” And the answer to that for me was a big huge HELL YES! It is hard as hell to actually face demons, and deal with your own shit. And alcohol for me, was my way of avoiding having to deal. Which made it impossible to be authentic and to be my most optimal version of me because I was so busy avoiding myself and the life around me.

This has been the week from hell… If I still drank it would definitely be one of those weeks where I just raged out! But nooooo, with my decision to quit drinking, has come the responsibility to actually face the shitstorms that come my way and figure out how to navigate through it. Sometimes I curse this strength and awareness I have within – hahaha – Just kidding! It truly is the best gift ever as it removes avoidance supplements and techniques from my life, removes excuses from my conversations, and removes placing blame on others for my own feelings, mistakes, etc. That makes life especially difficult to navigate when others have not removed said things from their own life, and especially when others excuses are rampant, and blaming is directed towards you. Sigh. I still stand by my own decision to remove something that no longer served me on my own journey, and for me it was hands down one of the best decisions I have ever made.

To be clear, this is NOT a blog post about why drinking is bad. It impacts everyone very differently. For some people drinking doesn’t change them the way it changed me. For some people it isn’t a crutch in social situations and or relationships like I uncovered it was for me. For some people it doesn’t wreak havoc that they have to figure out how to clean up the next day. For some people it isn’t an avoidance supplement that they use to not have to deal with feelings like sadness, pain, hurt, suffering, etc. etc. etc. The real intention of this post is to explore what in your own life are your crutches? Or the things that you are using as a way to avoid feelings?

What in your own life is no longer serving you? What is holding you back from really growing as a person and becoming the you that you want to be?

Sending you vibes of peace, serenity, humility, laughter, strength, awareness, and anything else you need along your own journey to your desired self!

Xoxoxo

Morgan

Awareness Around The Blame Game…

How often in a day do you place blame externally for not being the who that you want to be, or not having the things that you want out of life, or not being where you want to be in life, or not being able to make the choices you would like to make, or not being happy enough, or not being able to live up to your fullest potential because of (insert all of your blame game excuses)….

This exact notion was something that one of my clients just started to explore in her own life, and I’m not going to lie, this shit is super heavy to finally realize that YOU have control over your own life, you have the ability to choose what you think, how you act, what you do every day, what job you have or don’t have, etc. It can also be quite empowering and completely change your life if you can get over your own arrogance and ego and embrace it.

Life isn’t about blame or fault, it’s about choice and accepting your own responsibility in the creation and existence of all things in your own life.

It isn’t about your past, your childhood, your family, your job, your partner, your boss, your co-workers, your financial limitations, your friends, etc. These are all just blaming externally what you are not owning internally.

Recently, as I have been becoming more and more aware of this “blame game” I’ve been playing quite masterfully in my own life, I have decided to walk the talk, stop pointing the finger externally, and start making new choices that put me in the driver’s seat of my own life and my own destiny.

For example, I used to be heavy into the acting scene when I was younger. It truly fed my soul and opened the flood gates of passion, creativity, playfulness, humor, etc. inside of me. When I got into high school I became less and less involved until eventually I completely shut off that outlet of expression. Why? I have no idea. I think I did a great job of blaming externally – my grandmother died, it didn’t seem that acting was as socially acceptable as it was when I was younger, I was afraid of getting on stage and making a mistake which would lead to the demise of the star that I once was, etc. But I can tell you the one person that I did NOT ever blame… and it’s the one person that had all of the control in the world, and the ONLY person that could make a difference and could choose to reengage with this long lost love of mine…. was… ME!

Recently I started taking improv classes. What started as a way to bond with my mother and to get rid of nerves when doing public speaking, has spawned into a whole process that is actually teaching me a lot about not taking myself or life too seriously, letting go of expectations, living more in the moment, taking pause and allowing myself time to think before I respond, and getting to witness my mother’s transformation as well! Also I have found a new group of people that have the same passions for performing as I once did when I was younger, and it’s reignited something inside of me that I am so much enjoying the exploration of! What started as a 6 week journey has turned into a long road ahead that will be 30 weeks long, filled with improv, performing, writing sketches, and doing parody comedy videos with this new group of people that I’ve found so far along the journey. Can’t wait to see what else is in store for me on this path!

Here is the first video that we did! More to come! 

It is so much easier to be stuck and lost in a world of mediocrity, when you master the art of the “Blame Game” for where you are at in life and for all of the things that you are unhappy about and unfulfilled by.

How would your life be different if you accepted the responsibility of your own actions or lack thereof in life?

Then what might happen if you actually did something about it to work towards a life of true authenticity and fulfillment?

For me, one small step in the direction of accepting the responsibility of creation and happiness in my own life has created an amazing ripple effect of passion, creativity, intuition, playfulness, and alignment with my own authenticity.

What will be your first step?

What if you put the “Death bed filter” onto your Awareness Radar? Hmmm…..

 

How often do you do things that you don’t actually want to do?  How much time do you waste beating yourself up?  How much time do you spend thinking about what others might be thinking about whatever decisions you’ve made and/or you are about to make?

 

Whose voice is strongest in your mind?  Your own desires, wants, dislikes?  Or everyone else’s?  (Your parents, coworkers, friends, strangers, etc. ) 

 

What if you looked at life through the lens of what will really matter to you on death’s doorstep

 

As you go throughout your day you will inevitably encounter obstacles that challenge you on your path to greatness, triggers that ignite the flames inside you, buttons that push you at the core and catapult you into a state of anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, rejection, etc.

 

How would your life be different if, in the moment where you face obstacles and experience the things that trigger you or push your buttons, in the moments where you are busy focusing on what everyone else thinks, if you just hit the pause button for a moment and used what I call the ‘Deathbed Filter’ –  “Is this something that I will think about on my death bed?”  For example, you are running late for something and you are getting yourself all worked up.  Worried about what others might think of you if you are a few minutes late.  Worried about the judgments they may make, or how upset they may be with you, etc.  What if you stopped dead in your reactionary tracks and thought to yourself, “is this something that I would even think about on my deathbed?” If the answer is no, then ask yourself “why is this something that I would even expend energy on right now in this very precious moment of my life?”

 

AND…

 

What if you are exercising the Deathbed Filter in a given situation and the answer was “YES, this is something that on my deathbed I will look back on and have regrets if I don’t really go for this!” 

 

For example, you may regret – not spending more time with your loved ones, not being courageous enough to be vulnerable with someone else and let love in, not telling your loved ones what they really mean to you, and/or you may regret that you let a relationship fail because that was the easiest thing to do rather than face the pain and heartache of the possible rejection years down the line when you were truly invested mind body and soul and you regret that you just gave up and walked away, or you may regret not starting the business you always wanted to start, or you may regret spending a lifetime in a job that didn’t satiate the inner depths of your soul, etc.

 

There is an article about the top 5 regrets of the dying which can be found at – https://www.collective-evolution.com/2013/04/27/the-top-5-regrets-of-the-dying/#sthash.lXAU7y3H.dpuf

 

It outlines the following –

“Top 5 Regrets of the Dying:

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

 

The author, Joe Martino, mentions that “it’s important to remember that whatever stage we are at in life, there is no need for regret. The process of regret is one that provides nothing but suffering for ourselves as we begin to allow the past to dictate how we should feel now. Instead, we can use the past as a reference point to understand what adjustments we would like to make moving forward. The adjustments do not have to come out of pain, sorrow, regret or judgment, but simply a choice to do things in a different way.”

 

So, how would your life be different if you were to channel your energy into actually focusing on working toward a solution to really go for it?!  How would life be different if you let go of the past and took control of your future?  How would you feel different?  How would your life look different than it is now?  How would life be different for you if you constantly thought to yourself, “what knowledge can I seek out for possible solutions to the issues at hand?”, “What books can I read on the topic?”, “Who can I reach out to for support to work through this?” etc.

 

When you are about to throw in the towel on something, or you push something important off to do it “tomorrow” and “tomorrow never seems to come, how would life be different if you first exercised the death bed filter, and then asked yourself, “Have I really done every single thing in my power and control to really go for it?”  And if the answer is no, then ask yourself “why am I allowing myself to choose to have regrets on my deathbed?”

 

I’m sending you all vibes of serenity in your journeys, the courage to really go for the things that you will regret if you don’t take relentless action to achieve, and the strength to let go of the little things that don’t really matter to you in the grand spectrum of things.  You are the masters and creators of your own reality, what will you choose to create?

 

Xoxoxo,

Morgan

Awareness Meets Resistance…

 

I wrote this for one of my clients recently who was facing resistance when initially launching into her journey of self-exploration and awareness.  Resistance from one’s self is such a common thing you will be faced with when you embark upon finding your true authentic self, that I figured I would share this with each of you so that it may help you build the momentum to launch your own journey and catapult you to higher heights than you ever thought imaginable!

 

…….

 

 

There is a quote in Steven Pressfield’s book Do the Work that discusses just how common resistance is and how it operates:

“Rule of thumb: The more important a call to action is to our soul’s evolution, the more resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”

 

It’s normal in the beginning of the self-exploration journey to face these typical resistance blocks daily that really stop you in your tracks, that leave you feeling helpless, and that prevent you from feeling as if you are overcoming your blocks and moving closer to your ideal you at the pace that you would like. I would hate to see you give up on yourself or the process, when what you are facing is in fact quite normal and it’s merely your lifetimes worth of programming and default settings that are holding you back from your ideal self. Everyone who enters into their own journey to find one’s self experiences this at the beginning, and even throughout the journey, it is completely normal that you will feel this way.

There is a quote by W.H. Murray that talks about the resistance you will face when you are on the journey to greatness and you have not yet given yourself the gift of fully committing to the process:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: ‘Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it’. Begin it now.”

 

Whoever you work with along the path of your journey it will be in your best interest to commit fully to the process upfront, so that you can give yourself full permission to actually commit to the journey abundantly, be fully engaged to it, and be gentle with yourself as you encounter the typical blocks that come up along the way. The good news is that it does get easier, and 3 months from now you will be able to see the process and benefits much more clearly. The process of reprogramming takes a lot of work, and I am not going to lie, it is hard especially in the beginning. No matter what route you take to make the change you will face resistance from yourself, which is totally normal. Through guidance, time, consistency, and repetition you will overcome these blocks that are in your way.

 

Here are a few things to ask yourself that might help you to explore what is really going on and where you would like to go –

(Feel free to write these questions down and take some time to explore each one individually, or just take some time to reflect on each one as you read through.)

– What was your original motivation to start this process in the first place?

– Where would you like to be in three months time?

o In 6 months time?

o In 1 Year?

o In 5 Years?

– How do these visions differ than the who that you are today?

– How well is what you are currently doing going to get you there?

– How willing are you to fully commit to the process of getting where you want to be?

– How willing are you to face the blocks full on that are getting in your way of you being the who that you want to be?

– How willing are you to embark on the journey ahead of the consistent attempts and inevitable fails in overcoming your blocks and to be fully committed and engaged anyway?

– What are you willing to sacrifice to become your ideal you?

– How far are you willing to step outside of your comfort zone and default settings to reprogram yourself to be the you that you want to be and leave behind the old programming that no longer serves you?

– Are you willing to fight through your lifetimes worth of current programming in order to come out on the other end to see what is waiting for you there?

– How committed are you?

o To yourself?

o To your development?

o To the process to get there, no matter how hard is may be at times?

o To being gentle with yourself along the way, and trusting that the process takes time, requires consistency and repetition, and is full of attempts and failures,?

 

At the end of the day the only person that knows what is truly best for you is you. Trust your gut and intuition, and it will guide you to the path that you need to be on.

 

Sending you vibes of love, health, success, strength, and joy along your path!

Xoxoxo,

The following is being shared in an effort to help you unlock the possibilities and potential of change in your own life in whatever ways you desire.  No matter who you are, no matter where you are at in your life, no matter what has happened in your past, you can reinvent yourself.

 

First Came Awareness, Then Came Choice, Then Came Abundance in All Things

 

It’s always after people get to know me and hear my stories that they realize that I haven’t always been this version of “me” that they now see and know.   Most people tell me that they can’t imagine me any other way, and they just assumed that I have always been this way – healthy, happy, optimistic, in a very healthy and happy relationship with a man that is the lid to my pot, living out my dreams every day, fulfilled, have my values mapped out and aligned with my actions and choices in life, my head on straight, successful, passionate, etc.

 

Let me take a moment to introduce you to the who that I used to be…

 

4 years ago…

 

I rolled out of bed to go to work.  I took little to no pride to put myself together.  My nails were never painted, and in the rare occasion that they were they would often go weeks of being chipped and clearly telling the story that I hadn’t even realized was my own, which was “whatever, I totally don’t even care about myself…”

 

My master bedroom was a huge room that I was waiting to put a pool table in so that when others came over we could have a fun experience together shooting pool. In the interim I was using that room, the largest and most luxurious room in my condo, as a storage space for all of my junk that I hadn’t gone through and sorted out yet.  Where I actually set up my bedroom was my second room which was much smaller than the master.  I didn’t realize at that time just how much this all had to do with how I valued myself (or lack thereof).  I also didn’t realize at the time just how much I prioritized others wants, desires, and needs above my own, which was made clear by wanting to use the master suite to put a pool table for others to enjoy when they came over. 

 

The game plan from day one of purchasing the condo was to renovate my kitchen and I even had the money to do so, but little did I know that it would be years until I finally embarked on the renovation journey.  I went years with a kitchen that was god awful, and I absolutely couldn’t stand every single time I walked into it.  (It’s important to note that this was also the first room you saw when you walked into the place, so you can imagine my feelings every single time I approached my door and walked in.)

 

I didn’t enjoy my house in the least.  There were big dreams to be had for the place and zero action taken to make those dreams to fruition.  (This was fitting as it was the metaphor for my life.)

 

I drank every single weekend, (maybe even daily).  I drank to celebrate, I drank to forget, I drank to release stress, I drank to cope with feelings, I drank to let loose and have fun, I drank to socialize, I drank to network, I drank to entertain clients, I drank to confront others with my feelings, I drank to numb my feelings, etc.  I spent the nights having fun (from what I could remember anyways) and then the next day eating junk food to absorb what was still in my system  and I would waste the day away on a couch sleeping and watching TV.

 

I was always tired, stressed out so far beyond even caring any longer, literally rolled out of bed in just enough time to grab clothes that semi matched and then half ass do my hair and makeup and head wherever it was I happened to be going that day.

 

I was always too busy to hang out with or take calls from my family, and my life was utterly and relentlessly consumed by work.   I remember once being in the office until 12AM on a Friday night.  I was so consumed by my perfectionist tendencies and completing the commitments on my plate (that I should have said no to but didn’t know how to) and that I didn’t have enough hours in the day for.  I scarified sleep, sanity, health, happiness, relationships, etc.

                                                                         

The only guys on my dating radar were liars, cheaters, takers, selfish, and unbeknownst to me more often than not they were addicts of some shape or form.   (This all makes sense based on the principle that you attract what you yourself think that you are actually worth.  If you don’t love yourself and don’t take care of yourself, why would you expect anything else from a partner?)  In the rare occasion that a good man did come across my path, I was too unhealthy to even be attracted to him, and found some way to sabotage the realitionship.

 

It’s important to note that because I was such a zombie at this point in my life, I was completely and totally unaware of the vicious cycles of shit that surrounded me.

 

I was 15-20 pounds overweight, had dull skin, ate like crap, smoked like a chimney, and drank like a sailor.

 

When I was bored I wasted my time watching whatever junk I could find on TV.

 

I traveled a ton for work, more than most coworkers, looking back a piece of that was because hotels were nicer than my place.  I hadn’t turned my home into my serenity so I went out on the road looking for it anywhere but my own place. 

 

I didn’t have a good relationship with some of the family members that I most desired to have one with. 

 

I was forever in a state of being reactive, which often led to me personalizing every single little thing and left me at war against the world constantly!!

 

I didn’t even know what boundaries were, yet alone how to effectively use them to protect myself against others who prayed on the kindness of a person who never said no (no matter how much they wanted to deep inside) and the naivetés of a person who would believe pretty much anything you told them (mainly because I was such an honest person and couldn’t wrap my head around any benefits of lying so it was hard for me to understand and or believe that it could be so rampant for some).  The word “no” wasn’t a part of my vocabulary which meant I often took on more than I could do in the 24 hours a day that we each have, and I was also quite foolish, naive, and looking back now and laughing I was quite stupid when it came to some of the things I believed which constantly left me in a state of compromise in regards to my health, happiness, sanity, and even at times my physical safety.

 

I was a giver. Give give give and give even if I had no more give left inside of me. Most relationships ended because of the resentment I would feel after dating these selfish and toxic men that always took but never gave back.

 

Red was my favorite color, and I surrounded myself with it at home.  (I later learned that one of the associations with the color red is the feeling of anger, which was so representative of the state of mind I was in and how much time I spent in the familiarity and comfort of angers arms.)

 

I was sick almost every single week.  My immune system was practically non-existent.  My nails were beyond brittle.  My hair was falling out in massive clumps in the shower (which at the time I thought was normal) and my hair wouldn’t grow past a certain length no matter what I tried.

 

Then I broke.  It got to be too much.  I became of aware of what I had become, what was going on in my world that I had been too blind and numb to see.  Through the new found awareness came choice.  I realized I could choose to continue on my path, or choose to make a change. 

 

I chose change.

 

So I took time off and went on a customized solo spiritual journey in Sedona Arizona.  It was there that I was reborn and given new life.  It sparked what has now become an ongoing 4+ year journey of self-development, awareness, self-exploration, growth, therapy, life coaching, workshops, education, choices, etc. all in the pursuits of sustainable peace, happiness, joy, fulfillment, and love.  Now I look back at that girl I was and I am thankful for her, because without her I would never have been able to find the me that I am today, to truly appreciate and enjoy it, and to have a reference point of what could be if I had ever gotten off, or do ever at any point get off my path.

 

I reinvented my environment at home and created a world of peace and serenity to surround my every nook and corner.  It is now my haven.  I abandoned the idea of creating a haven for others in my own home, and moved my bedroom into the large master suite.  I now retreat there and am filled with love, warmth, joy, peace, gratitude and serenity every single night before I count my blessings and go to bed.  My kitchen is completely remodeled and has spawned the desire to be healthier and get creative with cooking!  My second bedroom has been turned into one big walk in closet that I now use to take time and pride every morning to get ready to face the day looking fierce, fit, and fabulous!

 

My nails are always painted, and in the rare occasion that they are not, or are chipped, I use it as a dummy signal that I am straying from my path of self-love and self-care which is at the center of my health, sanity, happiness, success, and peace.

 

I lost 20 pounds, am down 2 sizes, quit smoking, quit drinking, explored my values and what is really important to me, spend more time with my loved ones, reprioritized my life and how I spend my time and expend my energy, I have decreased my stress levels significantly, and have learned to tune into my dreams and turn them into my reality.

 

I have found love with a very emotionally healthy and loving man who is the best partner and team mate I could have ever even imagined or dreamed of.  He is everything that I never even knew I wanted and needed in a relationship.

 

First I found the awareness.  I started with focusing on what I can control, which is me.  I then had a choice to make.  I chose change.

 

No matter who you are, no matter where you are at in your life, no matter what has happened in your past, you can reinvent yourself starting now. 

 

What do you choose?

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL! 😀

In the spirit of the new year, and the NEW YOU, instead of doing the traditional new year’s resolution where you focus on what you would like to quit doing, do less of, cut out altogether, etc. what if you tried something different this year?

What if you just wrote a list of all of the things you would like to do this year?  New places you would like to travel to, new experiences you would like to have, new skills you would like to learn, etc.  Why not create a one year, 2014 bucket list, which gives you a deadline of 1 year for you to fulfill your desires, instead of an ambiguous deadline of “before you die”, which is what the traditional bucket list gives life to.

Creating a list that brings to your awareness the things you WANT to do this year – The things that feed your soul – The things that MOVE you

How would that change your year? 

How would that change your dreams? 

How would that change your attitude on life?

How would that change the way that you spend your time?

How would that change the way that you exert your energy?

How you show up in your life every day?

How would that help move you forward toward your goals?

Who would you spend more time with?

Who would you spend less time with?

What would you spend less time doing?

What would you spend more time doing?

 

I’ll share with you an example to help bring this more to life for you and help you see the possibilities…

 

I did this for 2013, and are just a few examples of what happened….

This was the year of love, family, fun, health, adventure, personal development, growth, and connection for me! Here is just a little snippet of the jam packed year of 2013….

2013 bucket list item – Get Authentically Connected!

This year, in an effort to make more authentic connections, I got off Facebook for an entire year, and started instead to travel to see loved ones face to face!  I had the most amazing blessings this year in being able to go to the east coast several times to get some good old quality time with the fam that resides there! I was also able to host my cousin here in the burbs of Chicago, and it was SUCH a pleasure and JOY to get to spend time with her, her amazing husband and her little angel of a nugget!

It has been such a true joy and honor to be able to create new life experiences with my family that in years past we had been in the pattern of only seeing each other on an annual basis if and when weddings happened. How fun it has been to grow relationships with the spouses of loved ones, and also the little blessings that are their children. I plan to continue this new more connected pattern as we move into the years to come.

2013 Bucket List Item – The World is Your Playground, Get Out there and PLAY!

On top of the business travel I do where I could be in any given state at any given time, I decided to expand the range of travels and experiences.  This year I went London, Paris, Barcelona, and Rome. Oh, what fun!!!

2013 Bucket List Item – Make “HEALTHY” a Full Time Lifestyle

In the past year I quit smoking, quit drinking, cut out all of the foods that are highly processed, and through this journey to health I found out that I was allergic to a TON of foods, so I cut those out too!  (More to come on this topic in 2014.  This journey has been life altering and I look forward to sharing it with all of you!)

2013 Bucket List Items – Self Mastery Focus – Become a Better Public Speaker – (aka, Conquer my Nerves) – and Spend More Time with Loved Ones

I signed up for Improvisation classes at Second City here in Chicago. As a Christmas gift, I bought my mom classes too.  Check, and check!

2013 Bucket List Items – Spend More Time with Loved Ones

I realized that there was always something that came up that kept me too busy to do the things that really mattered to me in life, things like my number one value in life which is family.  So, through the awareness of this, I was able to choose a different course of action for myself, and we are now back on track! My dad and I have resumed our weekly daddy / daughter date nights.

2013 Bucket List Items – Be Vulnerable, Explore my Defective Programming in the Relationship Area of my Life and Reprogram Accordingly, and Seek Out and Sustain HEALTHY Relationships

This year, I met my wonderful boyfriend on eHarmony. (This was inspired by spending time with my cousin and his awesome wife who met on there as well and have a relationship that I truly look up to.) My boyfriend spent his birthday with my whole East Coast family for my Aunt and Uncle’s 40th wedding anniversary party.  (My family is full of these long term loving relationships, and I plan to follow in the footsteps of the generations before me.)  Today marks 7 months for us, and I could not be more fulfilled.  This healthy relationship would not have been possible had I not first gone on the journey to figure out where I had defective programming that was no longer serving me and then reprogrammed it.  It was a LONG and HARD journey, but it was all worth it!  (Oh man, you should have seen the gems that I dated before I reprogrammed!)

2013 Bucket List Item – Create and Share New Experiences for the Loved Ones Around Me

This year I took my brother on a NASCAR experience where we were able to drive around a NASCAR track in one of the professional cars. When we got the results back after our experience it turned out that he went about a half of a half of a mile per hour faster than me and I haven’t heard the end of that. The good news though is that now after 13 years of me trying to convince him to join me on a skydiving adventure, he has finally accepted the offer so stay tuned!!! While we were there at the NASCAR race track, I bought my mother a “ride-along”, where she was able to go around the race track as a professional driver was behind the wheel taking her for a speedy ride! She was excited until she found out that the doors didn’t open and she had to go in and out of the window…. Good times to be had by all!

2013 Bucket List Item – Do What Feeds my Soul, and Pursue My Passions and Callings

Finally, I started my own business this year. I still am working full-time with the company I have been with for 6 + years, but I am building my business as well where I do Life Coaching to help people uncover their goals, identify the areas they are stuck, and then create a plan to help them move forward and become their best ideal version of themselves where they achieve and exceed their wildest dreams!

There were things on my list that I didn’t get a chance to get to in 2013. Want to know the beauty in that?  I can put those on the list for 2014!

Can’t wait to see what 2014 has in store for me and for all of you!!!  

What are the things on your bucket list for 2014?  Feel free to share!  Sharing them with others increases your probabilities of success!

Xoxoxo

Love, peace, joy, and happiness to all!

Morgan

 

Awareness paves the way for choice, which creates the waves of action, which forever alters the DNA of your being and allows you to walk in the light of the best version of you with full sustainability.  Here is wishing you the awareness that you desire so that you can have an overabundance of love, laughter, joy, peace, health, success, wealth, prosperity, fulfillment, and achievement of dreams that stretch far beyond your imagination.

The intention of this site is to help you take a look at your current programming – Look at what it is, how it got there, and explore what is holding you back from being the “who” that you really want to be.  Essentially, the path ahead is to reprogram the software that no longer serves you and reprogram accordingly to a new healthy you (mind, body, AND soul) to get you where you want to be.

Who am I?  I have my own business as a Life Coach working one on one with clients to help them overcome the blocks that are in their way to achieving their dreams, I’m a Yoga Instructor, Health and Wellness coach, and on top of all of that I work a full time 9-5 sales job in the ever complex world of a “corporate career”.  I have committed to and dedicated over 750 hours to training, education, and certifications.  Over the course of the journey ahead, I will share my journey with you of where I used to be, where I am today, and how I got there, and I will also share with you different ways of how you can get where you would like to be!

Looking forward to it!!! Happy New Year to each and every one of you!!!  xoxoxo

 

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