It Starts With You.
It’s interesting how easy it is for us to come up with a list of things that we would like other people in our lives to change, or give more of, or be more of. However, often we find that we expect of others what we aren’t already giving to ourselves.
Take for example – follow through on promises made. It’s often something that ruins relationships and can even lead to you ending things and moving forward to find someone else who is more reliable. Not following through damages trust within the relationship. Yet when we take a look at ourselves, how often are we following through on the promises that we make to ourselves? If we don’t trust ourselves to keep a promise to ourselves, then how can we ever expect to trust anyone else? Would you respect someone you can’t trust? No. And if you don’t trust yourself, then you don’t respect yourself. How can you ever expect for someone else to respect you if you don’t respect yourself first?
If you follow my blog and you read the entry where I shared where I used to be back when I was stuck in my own hamster wheel of hell, where I was nowhere to be found on my own priority list, you might wonder how it is that I have come to be the who that I am today. The very first step on my journey was building a relationship with myself. Actually launching this new relationship was such a foreign concept to me that it was incredibly difficult at the very beginning.
I started with something as simple as painting my nails, and making a promise to myself that I would always keep them nice and pretty because that was one small thing that made me feel better. Every time I’d look down at my nails and see that they were chipped and in need of a little love, it was my dummy light for me to go back to focusing on me. (Like the check engine light coming on when the car needs maintenance, but these dummy lights are on your own dashboard of lights to help you stay on your own path to the optimal you!)
After a while I had the nails thing down, and was ready to add another thing to the list. I started picking out my outfits the night before work because even though there was no possible way in hell anyone around me would have had a clue at that time, I actually loved dressing up, I liked the way it made me feel!
Then once I got the hang of things I was ready to tackle a bigger project that I had been promising myself for years to do, but hadn’t made it (or me) a priority – Turning my condo into a sanctuary. Today when I come home, it’s me place of serenity, and it’s a reminder of how far I’ve come, and it’s so nice to have beauty surround me, it makes me feel at peace.
One thing turned into another thing, which turned into another, and then snowballed to large projects, and taking classes I had been wanting to take for years (Improv), and signing up to get certified as a Yoga teacher, taking a nutrition course, getting certified as a life coach, etc.
The point is – First seek within.
You are the creator of your own life. Stop waiting for someone to come around and give you what you aren’t even giving to yourself.
The first step to working on a relationship with yourself is to build more more self-trust. Think about what you’ve been promising yourself for a while but haven’t been following through on (for example – do you have a pile of laundry that you’ve been telling yourself that you’ll do but it’s still sitting there, or maybe it’s a clean pile of laundry and you’ve been meaning to put it away but haven’t gotten around to it, or you’ve been wanting to take a particular class for a while now but haven’t signed up yet, or you’ve been dreaming about going to a particular vacation destination for a long time but haven’t gone yet, etc.), or think of things that you would like to start doing for yourself and are willing to commit to in an effort to become the you that you want to be! (Like working towards a healthier lifestyle so that you can feel absolutely amazing in your own skin, or redecorating your bedroom, or dressing up more at work, etc.)
1. Write a list of these things
2. Pick one
3. Schedule it
4. DO IT.
Every new day was yesterday’s tomorrow. The I’ll do it “tomorrow”, or last weeks “next week I’ll do that” or last months “I’ll make time for that next month”, etc.
Make today the day. Do it NOW. That is how you build self-trust.
In an article written by MARGARITA TARTAKOVSKY, M.S., TITLED, 3 Ways to Develop Self-Trust, she states that “being kind to yourself increases self-confidence and lessens your need for approval. Loving and caring for yourself not only increases self-trust, it also deepens your connection with others.”
Shout out to one of my clients for a Self-Love and Pampering idea that I’ve been sharing with other clients and they are having a blast with – Write down a bunch of your own favorite self-love acts and self-pampering ideas on tiny pieces of paper – i.e. paint my nails, give myself a facial, schedule a massage, go for a long walk with my dog, get a pedicure, etc. and then put all of the ideas in a hat, and pull one out daily as a surprise gift to yourself each day. This adds an element and sense of adventure about your self-love and pampering! All the while you are building a stronger foundation of love and trust with yourself that will eventually lead to you being able to give and receive more love and trust to others!
Feel free to share ideas of what’s working for you so that we can all work together to spread the love!
Sending you all vibes of love, acceptance, intimacy, understanding, compassion, patience, bonding, and trust, all starting with your relationship with yourself first!
PS – Here is the link to the article referenced – It’s a good read with more ideas of how to build a better relationship with yourself! Happy Reading!